Boudreaux

[Artful]

Marriage seminar



While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Thibodeaux and his wife Clotile listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Thibodeaux leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

[Artful]

Last night the police came and asked if Boudreaux had a picture of his wife.

He said "yes" and showed it to them.

They said it looks like she was hit by a truck.

Boudreaux said "yes, I know, but she sure can cook."

[Artful]

Boudreaux's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.


Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign up for the top GI insurance.


This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting.


The Captain decided that he would not ask Boudreaux about his selling techniques, but that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.


Boudreaux stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have da normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and get killed; da government pays your beneficiary $6,000. If you take out da supplemental GI insurance (which cost you only $30 a month), the government has to pay your beneficiary $200,000.


"Now," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch do you think dey gonna send to Iraq first?"

[Artful]

Police Officer Tib Thibodeaux stops a blonde, Melba Boudreaux, for speeding on Highway 90 and asks her very nicely if he could see her driver's license.


She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my driver's license and then today you expect me to show it to you?"




Boudreaux's Coffee


Boudreaux had surgery for a throat infection. The day after the operation, he kept asking for a cup of coffee, but the doctor's instructions were specific; No hot liquids for 48 hours. Boudreaux kept insisting that he had to have his coffee. He pestered everyone that came into his room. Finally his nurse had enough, and asked the doctor to please let Boudreaux have his coffee, because he was running her nuts.

The doctor agreed that, yes, Boudreaux was even causing him some grief.
"But," he told the nurse, "We're going to fix him. Give him his coffee in an enema !"


The nurse went to Boudreaux's room and told him what the doctor had said, and Boudreaux agreed, not having had any coffee for almost two days.


The nurse, figuring this would be her chance to get even for all the aggravation Boudreaux had dealt her, gets the coffee real hot before inserting the tube.

As she pours the coffee in, Boudreaux hollers, "Whoa ! !"

The nurse, trying to keep from laughing asks, "What's wrong, Mr. Boudreaux ? Coffee too warm ?"

"Hell no," says Boudreaux. "It's too sweet !"

[Artful]

A very drunk patron at a bar is trying to impress everyone with his fighting ability. "I am trained in every hand-to-hand combat there is," he says.

To further prove his point, he walks up to Boudreaux, who happened to be in the bar, and whops him behind the neck! "Karate chop from China," he says.

Poor Boudreaux gets up off the floor and sits back in his seat, saying nothing.

The big man hits him again. "Judo from Japan."

L'il ol' Boudreaux once again picks himself up off the floor and continues sipping his beer.

The man grabs him putting Boudreaux in a state of suspended animation. "That's a nerve pinch from Korea." After a few minutes, Boudreaux is able to move again.

Instead of getting back on his bar stool he walks out. Ten minutes later he walks in with a large board in his hands and hits the drunk square in the head with the board, laying him flat out on the floor.

Looking down at his tormenter, Boudreaux says, "Two-by-four from Home Depot."

[Artful]

There was this Hell's Angel riding down the road on his motorcycle last winter. He was wearing a leather jacket that had a broken zipper. He finally stopped the bike and thought to himself, "Man, I can't drive anymore with the cold air hitting me in my chest." So he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him.

He continued driving and came around a bend in the road, lost control and wrecked, coincidentally, right in front of Boudreaux's house.

Boudreaux happened to see what happened, and called the State Police to report the accident.

The Trooper on the phone asked him, "Is the guy showing any sign of life?"

"Well," Boudreaux told him, "He was until I turned his head around the right way!"

[Artful]

Boudreaux & Marie were having their first fight, and it was a big one.

After a while, Boudreaux said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey."

Marie replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all dem people at the wedding."

[Artful]

The pretty young schoolteacher was concerned about one of her eleven year old students, "Tee" Boo.

Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, " 'Tee', why has your schoolwork been so poor lately?"

" Mais, I can't concentrate, Teacher !" replied :"Tee". "I done fell in love."

"Oh, is that so?" said the teacher, holding back an urge to smile. "And with whom?"

"Mais, wid you," he answered.

"But 'Tee'," exclaimed the secretly pleased young lady, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday; but I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry, Teacher" said "Tee" reassuringly, "I'll be careful."

[Artful]

Boudreaux was called into his bank to discuss his accounts.

"Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is way overdrawn, and your loan's are overdue."

"Yeh, I know." said Boudreaux. "It's my wife, Marie. She's out of control."

The banker asked Boudreaux, "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?"

"Mais, to tell de truth, Mr. Banker," replied Boudreaux with a deep sigh,
"because I'd rather argue wid you than wid her !"

[Artful]

Late one Saturday night, Boudreaux and Marie were driving around downtown Pont Breaux, Louisiana, (that's Breaux Bridge, Louisiana, the Crawfish Capitol of the world, for you non-Cajuns), when they see their good friend, Thibodeaux getting out of his truck wearing nothing but a smile.


Boudreaux asks him, "Thibodeaux, what in de world you doing in de middle of downtown nekked ?"

Thibodeaux answers him back, "Mais, Boudreaux, I was at dis party, an' de lady there says to everybody, 'Okay, now we gonna pass us a real good time. I'm goin' to turn off all de lights, an' I wants everybody to take off all der clothes an' let's go to town !"

So dat's what I did, an' look, Boudreaux. I done beat everybody here !"

[Artful]

Nobody Gets The Best Of Marie

Marie is riding in an elevator in a building in "Nawlins", when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.


Noticing Marie, she says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"



Then another young, beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to Marie saying, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"



About three floors later, Marie has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.


As she leaves the elevator, not to be outdone, she looks at both women, and with a typical Cajun attitude, bends over, let's one loose and says ... "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."

[Artful]

Boudreaux, Thibodeaux and Hebert were talking over their brewskis the other day. Thibodeaux and Hebert were discussing how they have total control over their wives, but Boudreaux wasn't saying a word.



After awhile, Thibodeaux asks Boudreaux, "And how 'bout you, Boudreaux, you gots de control at your house ?"



Boudreaux says, "Let me told y'all. De other night, my wife, Marie, she came to me on her hands and knees."



Thibodeaux asks, "Yeh, and what happened den?"



Boudreaux took a healthy sip of his beer, and kinda mumbled,

"Well, dat's when she told me,

'Come out from under dat bed, you coward, and fight like a man !' "

[LocoPatrick]

Thibodeaux call up his friend Boudreaux. He say to Boudreaux "I got to ax you an important question now: Do you be settin, or do you be standin?" Boudreaux say, "Well, Thibodeaux, I be standin up." Ol Thibodeaux say "Well, Boudreaux, you want to be settin, cause I got a good news, and I got a bad news"

Boudreaux say "Well, Thibodeaux, what's da bad news?" Thibodeaux say, "Me and da boys was out trollin da bayou earlier today, and we snag on somethin and pull it up. It's your wife, Clarice, she gone and drown herself."

Boudreaux say "Oh, lord, Thibodeaux, dat's bad news. Dat's awful! But what's da good news?"

Thibodeaux say "She had fifteen big blue buster crabs holdin on to her, we gonna send her down again tomorrow!"

[Artful]

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective is sent and is taken to the first body.


'Thibodeaux, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Detective,' says the Coroner.


The Detective is taken to the second dead man. 'Comeaux, 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'


'Nothing unusual here', thinks the Detective, and asks to be shown the last body.


'Ah,' says the coroner. 'This is the most unusual one. Boudreaux, 75, struck by lightning.'
'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Detective.


To which the coroner replies, 'He thought he was having his picture taken.'

[Artful]

Once a social worker had been given a referral about some children who were in some need, so she went out to make a home visit. It took her a while to find the house but finally she found the house way back in the marsh south of Gueydan.

When she knocked on the front door, a little boy, about 12 years old opened the door.

"Hello, young man, may I speak to your father."

"My papa Boudreaux ain't here no more," the boy said. "About six months ago, he went crazy and dey took him to the crazy house in Pineville."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Is your mother home?"

"Mais no, about tree months ago, my mama Marie went crazy, too, and dey took her to the crazy house in Pineville."

The social worker was overcome with sympathy for the boy and asked, "Well, surely you don't live here by yourself."

"Mais, no, my brother Toffele is in the back."

"Well," asked the social worker, "can I talk to him?"

"I don't tink so,"answered the boy. "My brother Toffele tinks he's a chicken."

"I hate to say this," said the social worker, but don't you think your brother should go to Pineville to be treated, like your father and mother."

"Mais no," exclaimed the boy, "we need dem eggs!"

[Artful]

Thibodeaux Gets A Physical

Thibodeaux just turned 70 the other day, and decided to go see Dr. Boudreaux for a physical. All of his tests came back OK. Dr. Boudreaux told him, "Thib, everything looks great physically. How you doin' mentally and emotionally ? Are you at peace with yourself ? How are you spiritually ?"

Thibodeaux replies, "Aw, Doc, spiritually, I'm doin' great. Me and God are real tight. God takes real good care of me. In fact, when I gets up in de middle of de night to use de bathroom, when I walk in God turns de light on for me. And when I finish, He turns off de light for me."

Dr. Boudreaux tells him, "Mais, Thib, dats great." Later that day, after he had thought about it for awhile, it started bothering the Doc, thinking that maybe Thibodeaux was imagining things, so he called Mrs. Thibodeaux to check if Thibodeaux was alright.

"Clotile, Thib is just fine physically, but I'm a little worried about him mentally. He told me that everytime he gets up at night to go to the bathroom, God turns on the light for him, and when he goes back to bed, God turns the light off again."

Clotile replied, "Dat damn Thibodeaux, he's peeing in de refrigerator again !"